50 Days to 50 - Day 3

 Sep 13 - Day 3 to 50

On this day in 1975, famous novelist Daniel Steele married Danny Zugelder in a prison canteen.   Quite an interesting fact and one that reminded me of how may maternal grandparents met and married.  It was during the second World War in 1940.  My grandfather was a college student in Siliman University in Dumaguete, it was at that time about 8 hours travel time from Murcia.  Since all able bodied young men are to go to war, my Lola Peling decided to hide his son away in Murcia mountains, in Canlandog.  My great-grandmothers are both Bellezas and are distant cousins, yes.  So their families were from the same place and hid in the same mountains.  My then 20 year old grandfather, Eufracio Belleza Linco met my then 16 year old grandmother Concepcion Belleza Jardeleza.  I wouldn’t say it was love at first sight but times were uncertain and everyone was afraid of the war.  Yet being hidden together, in really harsh conditions must have triggered something in both young individuals…they fell in love.  And were married by another distant cousin, who was also a priest (how convenient!), hiding in the same mountains. 

I called them Tatay Pacing and Nanay Concing, my grandparents.  They raised me when I was really young.  They even took me with them to Iloilo when my grandfather had to work there for a year and we, just us three, were like a family – them looking like they had me when they were really old. That time I think my grandfather was in his early fifties and my grandmother was in her late forties.

But their love story traversed troubled waters.  After the war, my grandfather who had completed his studies went to Manila to become a teacher leaving his family, this time he’d had five children, in the care of his parents.  That’s why my moms (yes I have two but that’s a later story), had always acknowledged that Lola Peling and Lolo Pecto stood as their own parents growing up, aside from their own mother, of course. 

Nanay Concing raised her kids with her in-laws and times were truly hard after the war.  She’d sell fruits harvested from the farm, placed in a cart with her youngest son still breastfeeding.  She sold her fruits at the nearby school, nearby being like an hour’s worth of walking, where her older children studied.  For years this was their norm.  My grandfather barely sent anything so she and her in-laws had to find means to raise five children until such time that they even had to sell their farm and move to the city.  The children have grown and are going to high school or university and money was needed for all that.  In the city, nanay had to accept odd jobs like washing laundry or selling native delicacies to make ends meet.

Tatay Pacing was MIA (missing in action) yet Nanay Concing held on, to keep the family together.  She even went to find tatay in Manila, finding odd jobs as cook, laundry woman, domestic helper, just to get news of her missing husband.  There had been fears that he’d remarried and had another family.  Still, there never had been any proof of that and nanay held on to their marriage vows.

Tatay did eventually come home and when I was born they spent precious time with me in Iloilo.  It was like them rediscovering their bond.  Tatay was a swimmer and taught me to swim in the river while nanay would wash our clothes in the riverbanks. 

Many marriages start with interesting events.  But the substance of any relationship lies in how the years were spent.  Tatay wasn’t what one would call a good husband or father but nanay was a great wife and mother, and eventually grandmother.  She was the rock that stayed true and her strength was the core that held her family together. 

Their marriage wasn’t perfect, far from it, but they stayed together until tatay passed away in 1983 and nanay stayed his widow until her death in 2009.  I’d say tatay was nanay’s true love and tatay was one lucky bastard to have met her in the mountains when the world was at war.  I honor their union that eventually resulted in me coming into being.  I thank them for their love and care and pray that both are still together, wherever that next stage may be.